A Pot of T

Here’s another of those once in a blue moon radio shows that Steven has decided that it is in the nation’s best interests to hear. For the past few weeks, we have been doing artists in alphabetical order for our weekly compilation tape. Today we did “T” and Steven would like to share 10 of his favourite T tracks:

They Might Be Giants – Steven remembers this song from Play Group and getting messy sand in his socks (He’s been reluctant to go on a beach ever since)

Tony Christie – I didn’t see Steven whilst this one was playing. It’s a sign of his huge weight loss that he can now dance energetically through a whole song & was bopping up and down the hall to Mr Christie:

Toyah Wilcox – Steven likes it when people he knows are mentioned in a song and this track has the lyric: “A shot in the dark. A big question Mark”. “Dad – Toyah’s singing about you Dad”:

Talking Heads – “You must David Byrne’s glasses alone. David won’t be very impressed if you break his glasses”:

The Tamperer Featuring Maya – This is from the 1998 Christmas Top of The Pops and Steven likes to quote Jane Middlemass: “I don’t know who the Tamperer is but this is Maya”:

Tom Jones – This is Alan, the support worker’s favourite singer and coincidentally Alan wears a hat, which Steven finds very amusing:

The Tremeloes – For someone who’s aged 27, this group feature pretty high in Steven’s list of favourite groups. I think it’s because they’ve got a member called Chip:

Tears For Fears – Steven has always had a soft spot for Tears For Fears mainly because it gives him a chance to chat about Kurt, the drunken chef in Fawlty Towers and Roland, the personal trainer at his gym who walks about with his shoelaces undone:

Tavares – Tavares are a staple of the Wednesday morning disco and I often have my Frosties interrupted by Steven exclaiming – “Alan, want you to have big hair like a Tavares man”.

Take That – We can only end with the track that was the soundtrack to Steven’s escape from the Unit that autumn night in his pyjamas and barefoot. I quiz him on it whenever we hear this song: “Steve – do you remember Take That on X Factor?” “No, Steven Neary was running massive fast to Julie Neary’s house”:

 

In case you’re keeping notes for statistical analysis or historical research the other artists we included on the compilation tape were: The Temptations, The Three Degrees, Talk Talk, Tom Robinson, T Rex, The Tymes, Tina Turner, 10CC, The Thompson Twins, Travis, The Turtles, Terrorvision, Toploader, Tenpole Tudor & Toni Basil.

A Pot of T

The Sun Is Shining

Even though we are not going away on holiday this year and having our vacation in the Cowley house, Steven still insisted this afternoon that we do our annual holiday songs tape. This is the collection we normally play on the minibus as we travel.

So, for one night only, Steven Neary’s Massive Good Radio Station makes a return.

“Lee’s poking his tongue out at Steven Neary. Cos Steven Neary wiped his bogies on the back of the sofa:

“Steven Neary knows two Woodys. One Woody’s got a cowboy hat on. This Woody hasn’t got a hat”:

“Charlene Spiterai looks a bit sweaty. You need to have a shower Charlene:

“I knew a girl from Sweden. Here name was Anna Frida”:

“The second summer we went to Devon and Steven Neary sat on Morris Minor’s lap and had a cornetto”:

“It’s Martha Muffin and her husband Martin Muffin is playing the keyboard”:

“A1 are swimming with the dolphins. Be careful Christian. You don’t want the dolphin to bite your willy off”:

“We had this one in Mr Bean’s holiday. Different words. Mr Bean was singing modern foreign languages”:

“Only three bedrooms in Boney M’s holiday caravan. Bobby will have to sleep in the bath”:

“Fergal Sharkey’s put his jumper in the wardrobe now. We wear T shirts in the summer”:

The Sun Is Shining

Week Fifty Five: Two A’s in Abba

Each year we do 26 compilation tapes which run through artists that begin with the same letter. We’ve just started the 2016 marathon and Steven thought it would be nice to share this long journey with you. So, trainers and running vests on. Here’s Abba and the video where Bjorn nearly falls in the archipelago:

Aswad next and another lyric change from Steven – “Shine into the future. But don’t sit on a burger. You’ll get sauce on your shorts”:

The next track rose to prominence in Steven’s eyes when it was featured in the soundtrack to Mrs Doubtfire. And like the redoubtable nanny, we play this song when we’re doing the hovering:

All Saints were from that same era as the Spice Girls and I remember when Steven was trying to learn all their names one day, he let out a big sigh and said, “There are too many Mels in the world”:

Next up pop pickers a group we had just a few weeks ago but Steven likes them, especially as Andy Fairweather Lowe is Chris Lowe’s brother:

A relaxing Sunday morning music session in Cowley wouldn’t be complete without the odd crooner. And they don’t come much odder or croonier than Andy Williams:

Another from our occasional series of “Pop Stars in Spectacles”. This video prompts a mixed reaction in Steven. Soppy because he likes the hair extensions but scary because of the long finger nails:

A staple from our annual holiday cassette now and one that prompts one of the support workers to shout – “Let’s throw our shoes off and dance in the sand”. Steven’s not too sure about this because we don’t want a passing shark to gobble up all our shoes:

From the same era as “all those Mels”, thankfully we can say that there is only one Dane Bowers. But Dane does silly talking because “bomb diggy isn’t proper words”:

We try to stop Steven getting into very repetitive talking by saying “One more time” before we repeat back for a second time. In today’s final offering, The Archies come very close to breaking that rule:

Week Fifty Five: Two A’s in Abba

Week Fifty Four – Party In The New House

We’re still in a bit of a honeymoon period in the new Cowley house. We keep going to a drawer for a spoon and find it’s the tea towels drawer. And nobody has mastered where Steven’s long pyjama bottoms reside. It’s all a bit crazy:

We are a bit bonkers in Cowley. Steven has a whole collection of songs that you can dance to whilst sitting down. The dance involves stilted, pointy head movements from left to right. You can try it at home to one of his favourites from this genre:

A housewarming wouldn’t be complete without a whole medley of dance classics and this one prompts Steven to introduce: “It’s Disco Tex and the Sexy Betties”:

To make a party go with a bang, one needs some drinks. Steven will have orange juice and the support workers will have some coffee:

If you put Steven on the spot, he would argue that the whole point of a party is to have lots of food. Forget the lager – just dish up several plates and bowls of crisps:

Replenished, we’re back on the dance floor and Steven continues his maxim of what’s the point in getting up to dance when you can do it just as easily sitting down:

Then it’s time to whip out the karaoke machine and we get spoilt for choice, knowing that Steven knows the words to at least 500,000 songs. This is a favourite of his because he can do the actions too:

Back in the late 90s/early 00s, BBC1 used to air the annual Smash Hits Party around Christmas time. We’ve got a few of them on VHS and here’s a clip of Five being a bit laddish from the 2000 show – “Abs – don’t throw your coat on the floor. Might get a bit of spider poo on it”:

One party that has gone down in Neary family history is the one at the ATU where Steven launched his first escape bid whilst everyone else was doing the conga. A genius plan was foiled by a passing vicar in glasses. This isn’t a vicar in glasses. This is Jarvis Cocker:

Time for a smooch song to end the night. Steven doesn’t like smoochy songs – well he doesn’t like smooching but he might like the song. So this week’s show ends with the sort of song that Steven will tolerate a romantic smooch to:

 

 

Week Fifty Four – Party In The New House

Week Fifty Three: Moving Buddies

It’s a big day today. Steven is moving to his new home. He’ll still be a Cowley man. This is the song we’ll probably be singing as we drive to the new house:

Over the past few weeks we’ve been explaining to Steven that the walls in the Cowley house are being knocked down, hence the move. This has prompted an anxiety that “Steven Neary won’t be squashed by the wall bricks like Paul Weller:

Another massive anxiety the last few days has been that we might leave something behind. The number of times Steven has gone through his list (over 400 items) that have to come with us. “Going to put my Good Life DVD in the box like Gnarls Barkley”:

Will we have one final look back at the Cowley house as we leave this morning? I know that one thing that Steven is really looking forward to – saying goodbye to stairs. “Goodbye stairs – can go to the toilet downstairs in the new Cowley house”:

Yesterday we said goodbye to Ranjit, the sweet shop man, who has kept Steven in Cheddars and bourbon biscuits for the last three years. Our new sweet shop man is Jay – “Like Jay in Five”. We know what his signature song is going to be:

Watching Toy Story last week, Steven became gripped with the panic that he won’t have a moving buddy. Then we met one of the removal men, who is called Luke, which set Steven off into imagining that Luke from Bros will be his moving buddy:

We managed to dissuade Steven from having every single room painted green (it would have been like living in a giant lettuce) but he will be delighted that his bedroom is painted a “cool green”. With a green door:

Steven was aware of Wizzard before he became aware of The Move. Of course, The Move was from a time before Roy Wood lost his razor out of the bathroom window and Mrs Pickering trod on it and cut her plimsoles:

Since Steven came home from the ATU, he has always wanted reassurance that he is living in the Cowley house “forever and ever”. For the first time in six years, we’ll finally be able to give him that pledge:

Steven isn’t big on large parties, so there’ll be no big house warming party tonight. But we might settle down with some Pringles, a glass of Tizer and some Robert Kool:

Week Fifty Three: Moving Buddies

Week Fifty Two: Massive First Year

It seems incredible that it has been a year since Steven Neary’s first massive radio broadcast. And how ironic that he ends the first year with his final broadcast from the Cowley house. We move next Monday, so Wi-Fi permitting, the second year of shows begins from Steven’s new home. To celebrate the first year, he’s repeating 10 of the tracks that received most favourable comments this year (so no Coldplay then):

“Steven Neary’s doing massive rude words. It’s Do The Hucklefuck”

“It’s Barry Manilow when he was a young man with a different face”.

“Baccara – you can’t get a boogie in your nose. You get a bogie inn your nose”.

“Steven Neary was a bad boy when he threw Valerie’s handbag in the water at the Mencap Pool”.

“Muriel and Rhonda – I’m not impressed with you. Seatbelts please”.

“Billy Ocean looks a bit like Des Elliott (the manager of Steven’s gym). Billy Ocean doesn’t get all sweaty doing his pushing and pulling”.

“Dad. You can get it if you really want it. Steven Neary really wants some blue Chipsticks”.

“Carry on regardless. Charlie Hawtrey doesn’t go to The Beautiful South”.

“Can’t stand on the table in the pub. Might tread in the Hoola hoops”

“KEITH – TAKE THOSE RUDE WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND THROW THEM IN THE BIN IMMEDIATELY”.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the first year of massive songs. Here’s to Year Two……….

Week Fifty Two: Massive First Year

Week Fifty One: Lumpy Sick

Beryl Reid used to say that if someone ever said anything disgusting to her she would shout “Ooh – lumpy sick outside pubs”. If ever Steven sees a pile of lumpy sick outside a pub, he runs past it full throttle with his hands over his ears:

This next track didn’t make it into last week’s geography lesson but you may notice from the video that David Rotheray is missing. Bet you didn’t know that he was at the dentist after chipping one of his teeth on a Werthers sweetie:

Steven used to like watching Channel 4 after coming home from school. Countdown, Fifteen To One and then the Ricki Lake show. The latter was a precursor for Jeremy Kyle and had lots of shouty people saying rude words. Here is Ricki on a day when nobody is shouting rude words:

Here’s that man again who looks like Des, the manager of Steven’s gym. Des had one catchphrase – “Keep going Steven” as he paraded the gym looking for people not pulling their weight. So, whenever we hear a song by this next chap, we have to say, “Keep going Billy”:

Adam, Steven’s personal trainer used to try and encourage exercise on days when Steven didn’t go to the gym. So on Monday nights as part of our journey to the shop to buy some Rolos and a banana milkshake, we’d run up Hillingdon Hill. It was worth it just for the chocolate treat but we never told Adam about that part of the regime:

Steven knows two people called Colin Bridges. That’s okay in real life but must never happen on TV. He was furious with Heather in Eastenders when she called her baby George Michael. There is only one George:

Steven is never sure whether “Sucker” is a rude word. It sounds like another rude word that we never say. Eminem never says sucker but he does say the other word quite a lot:

This next song is just plain daft. How on earth do you get seven little girls all sitting on the back seat of a car. Without a seatbelt! There’s not enough room for even three people on the back seat of Ali’s car:

We’re a bit partial to some Talking Heads in the Cowley house and prompts the joke, “Dad – it’s Talking Heads. Not Talking Feet. Don’t have a mouth in your feet”:

Today’s encore comes courtesy of Abba and is one of their lesser known tracks. This is featured on the “History of Abba” DVD and has a chap called Anders who used to┬áconduct the brass section for this track. This has given rise to the line – “Anders, don’t leave your trumpet in the living room. Bjorn will be very cross with you”:

 

Week Fifty One: Lumpy Sick